Never explain yourself...

Never explain yourself...
Those who like you does not need it. Those who dislike you will not believe it.

Wah! This is a lesson I learned the hard way.

It slapped me on the face twice, and both incidents happened barely two weeks apart. Haizt....

The first incident was not really something of a bitter medicine. I was actually on a high when that happened, so I dismissed the incident as a "not really a serious case of behavioral disorder ".

However, the second one was really a bitter medicine to my habit of constantly explaining everything that I am and everyting that I do to everyone.

It happened when a girl I just met asked a favor from me, and in a sudden surge of insecurity, shamefulness and panic, I gave an UNNECESSARY explanation regarding (or better yet... a story behind) the matter.

Doesn't sound like a problem, right?

But, here is the thing... the catch... or whatever you call it...

I lied.

Yes... What I told her was a lie.

I did not feel well afterwards. It's like something fell heavily on me. I know what that is called: GUILT.

I felt so guilty, all I wanted to do was to run away.

I wish I did. I wish I could. But, I couldn't.

Several minutes afterwards, something like an alarm was ringing inside me.

I have a habit, a DISEASE, that can eventually ruin me.

Let this become a warning. Never explain yourself to anyone. You can never be held accountable for choosing not to, and you can be ruined by the words that go out of your mouth.

1st impressions last? Weh...

Not all first impressions last...
Promise...

Minsan nga e sobrang layo na ng nagiging pananaw mo tungkol sa isang bagay, pangyayari o tao na hindi ka na makakapaniwala kung bakit ganoon ang first impression mo...

Gusto niyo ng sample?

Nagsimula ang lahat ngayun-ngayon lang, summer ng taong 2007.

Dahil sa hindi inaasahang mandate ng DOST, hindi natuloy ang pinapangarap kong Bohol get-away.

Kaya ayun, ang una kong nasabi tungkol sa ni-require nilang summer orientation and enrichment program (SOEP) ay: PESTE.

And then came the first day, 2 May 2007...
Na-shock naman ako kasi mag-isa ako. Walang taga-pisay (Later, nalaman kong RA scholars lang pala ang nirequired, at 5 lang naman kaming RA from pisay. Kaya pala wala akong makitang kakilala ko.)... Nag-iisa akong nakakalat sa steps ng up engineering theater, cellphone lang ang kapiling. At sa ganun kaagang summer day, wala pang gising.

So ang pangalawang salita ko for SOEP: KAINIS.

Naghanap ako ng puwedeng kaibiganin. Kaya lang lahat sila mukhang nerd. (Hahahaha. Peace.) At nerdy rin ako. Kapag nerdy ka, ayaw mong dumikit sa kapwa mo nerd kasi sasabog kayo.

Ayokong maging loner... kaya lumbay na lumbay ako. Sa bawat minutong dumadaan, nadaragdagan ng 1 mililiter ang napapanis kong laway. Naisip ko, kawawa naman ako. Buti dumating si Jami. Haay sa wakas, may makakausap na rin.

Maya-maya dumating si Jasper, tapos si Warner, tapos si Charmy.
Yey! Pisay people. I was so happy to see them.

Kaya lang ang kasiyahang yun, hindi naman nagtagal... kasi the next day, nahiwalay rin ako sa kanila. Iba yung section ko. GONZALES. haay... ang saklap.

The moment I entered the room, I sat at the seat closest to the door. I don't know why, but I like that place. I've always been the girl by the door, ever since Pisay. I like that place because I get to have a good look at the whole classroom. I can easily get myself noticed just in case I want to recite, yet I can easily slither away from the attention of the teacher if ever I want to daydream or do somehthing. Moreover, I can be the first one out if I wanted to.

And that was how i felt on the second day... From the very moment i sat down at the seat, all I could think about was getting out.

The feeling got worst as the class (which was MATH... and I hated math) proceeded.

And so my 3rd word was: AYOKO NA.

Buong umaga, wala akong inisip kung hindi paano ako makakalayas sa SOEP.

Plan: Kumbinsihin ang mama ko na kailangan talaga naming magbakasyon sa Bohol, kasi nangako kami kina Lolo at Lola. Sasabihin ko na okay lang, aabsent ako sa SOEP for two weeks.
Mas mahalagang makita ako nina Lolo at Lola kaysa painitin ko ang isa sa mga silya ng engg (engineering) building.
Naisip ko, yes! ligtas na ako... aattend lang ako sa first and last week. yey! the hell with the stipends. Mas mahalaga ang personal well being ko kaysa sa 3000 php. hahahaha

Pero walang kwenta ang plano na yun. Kasi that night sabi ng mama ko nag-usap na raw sina ni Lolo at okay lang daw di matuloy ang bakasyon. Sa sem-break or sa pasko na lang daw.

Ala na akong 4th word. *Sniff* na lang.

I thought then it was going to be a hellish summer... but i was wrong.

In fact, after one month... I came to think I got a glimpse of heaven when I was there.
Maybe you wouldn't believe it, but as much as I wanted to get away then, now I ached to stay for one more day in that blissful summer.

I couldn't believe it myself... but I also came to love the people who were there in that newly furnished engg room.

And even though we only had one summer to spend, they carved a very special place in me. *smile*

Summer is now over. We all move on. Now I miss them so much.

How this all came to be is reserved for another post. *laugh*

Pero isa lang ang point ko...

trip ko lang magkwento... hahahahaha... jowk.

At hindi lahat ng first impressions... nagtatagal sa'yo. ^_^